Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
