woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
