Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
