It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
