we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
