gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
