you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
