Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
