Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What a fucking waste of an outfit
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
