she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
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I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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