Can i not drive my cunt home
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
