he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
