tequila makes me forget i have legs
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize