hell yes lets make some ravioli
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
