my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
