I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So here I am, sexting at work.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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