just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
