I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
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