Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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