If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
