Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
