I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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