I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
