that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
