the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
