I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
