You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
