I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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