you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I am one with the molecules
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize