hotel room ftw
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
