hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you had me at cake vodka
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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