After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
