Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
