You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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