2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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