it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
