he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
