he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
