I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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