ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
