We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
