I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
