My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
