It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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