How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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