dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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