I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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