Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
