I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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