her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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