I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
