My girlfriend figured out who you are.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
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I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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