she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
