We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
