Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
