I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
