I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
