Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
