My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize