i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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