Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
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