did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
