brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
