My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
