lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
