Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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