It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
