if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
