Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
