i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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