My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
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It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
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Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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