we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
