I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
