Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
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I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
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I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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