I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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