dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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