She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
