Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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