his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
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How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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