i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I want to be your penis for a week.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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